..The diary of an atypical girl matricuating through this thing called life..
It’s funny how we all want this “thing.” We don’t know how to describe it, where we’ll find it, or how we’ll obtain it, but it’s here.
All around us.
Deep inside of us, & inside of those we love…but we seek it in those who don’t love us back.
& it’s right here. At an arm’s length…waiting for us to just reach out & grab it…& be happy.
Scrambled eggs….also known as my head.
& after years of frustrations, tears, laughter, & memories, I could never keep myself from loving him. I tried. It was the way he carried my name on his voice. The huskiness of it when he whispered it in my ear. The way he said “I love you” and I felt it in the depths of his soul. The way I loved every flaw & saw it as perfection.
He was the love of my life, & the life of my love.
Miles apart could change none of it. Ever. I could not contain my love nor could I compose my feelings enough to put on a facade like he didn’t phase me. He did. I loved him so deeply…and helplessly. I had fallen so hard that not even gravity could control the speed at which it was happening. It was evident.
He was the one.
The hope. The dream. All of the previous chapters of men who had occupied the space since he and I had departed from each other. I was drunken in the fluidity of his love. It poured itself out of my chest into its own clamor of words that were still too minimal to describe the true depth of the emotion I felt.
I loved him beyond words. Beyond time. Beyond space. Here & there. There was no limit. No destination. No parameters that could be put on what I felt. I would race to the end of the earth and back because it was that simple.
Even after all this time…
It was love.
The Only Reason
This song….is everything. Simple. Clean. Concise.
“I’m sure I knew…
The only reason God gave me eyes was to see you…
& He finally tuned the drums in my ears just to hear your voice…”
The Only Reason
I miss my first love…It’s been almost a year since I’ve performed on a stage
Life don’t give you what you want or what you’d love to have. Life gives you what you’ll accept. If you’ll accept being average and ordinary, that’s exactly what you’ve got to look forward to. Winners expect to win.Art Williams
& even after all this time, the Sun never looks at the Earth and says, “you owe me.” It is selfless. & kind. A love like that lights the entire sky.
Not sure where my fingers will lead my head as I rummage through my thoughts this time around. I’m just sitting and thinking about the past couple of days.
Everyone wants success; and yet, no one wants the “grind” behind it.
Do we really think we deserve what we don’t work for? It’s almost a little disheartening…especially among the African American race. Our net worth is 5,000. It’s the lowest among Caucasians, Asians, and Hispanics. Guess how many of us are aware of this? How is it that we have fallen so far below the margin of wealth, and yet, somehow African Americans have managed to maintain a pseudo-lavish lifestyle???
It’s quite annoying.
And a lot of it is due to a lack of knowledge. No financial education. & the even bigger downturn is that no one wants to know. No one desires to be the first to pass on a generation of wealth to those who will wear their shoes in the coming years. They only want to pass on “broke-ness” because according to them, its “not their problem.”
We. have. got. to. do. better.
As a race, for our families, & for our future.
I’m so thankful I’ve been fortunate enough to learn the rules of the money game so that my children and my children’s children won’t have to endure financial hardship.
I vow to be the change I’m longing for. We owe it to ourselves and to our community.
That’s all for now,
When it’s real, you’ll know. You won’t be confused about it.